Welcome To Hell
by nyxkitty
Summary: The Expendables just crash-landed on Grant Island. There's been rumours for years in the USMC about an island that doesn't exist, and they just found it. Unfortunately, some of the island's inhabitants escaped their watery grave and bred. They have twenty fours hours to escape, or find an army of gorillas on their doorstep. Fortunately, Shane Schofield has never forgotten Hell.
1. Chapter 1

**D/C: **I don't own Expendables, or any of its productions, characters, or even minor characters. I do own any OC's that appear.

**A/N: **I wasn't going to put this under crossover, but then I thought screw it. If I'm going to do Matthew Reilly meets Expendables - one of the most badass fucking combinations there could be - then I have to do it right. Mother, Shane, possibly Baba and Renard will appear - I may toss in a flashback or two with Brooke, and may/may not have Book II make an appearance, plus David may appear.

**Welcome To Hell  
><strong>**Chapter 1**

"You can call me Mr Church," he said, extending his hand towards her. Firm grip, he noted as she shook his hand. She wore a pantsuit, a multitude of scars and tattoos on her neck. She was tall, over 6'4 and built like an Amazon. "You can call me Collins," she said.  
>"Read your file. Managed to get a transfer from the Marines to Spetsnaz, I didn't think they'd take an American."<br>Collins shrugged, "Who says I'm American?"  
>"Ready?" Gunnar looked at Yang.<br>Yang gave a thumbs up and dropped through the hatch, pulling his parachute once he was clear of the tail of the plane. Gunnar dropped through the hatch, pulling his own chute when he was clear as well.  
>"Talk about Swedish dinner," Lee chuckled. "Baby seal and whale ass just left the building."<br>Barney chuckled, shaking his head. He glanced at the broken altimeter, rolling his eyes when Lee tapped it.  
>"Another rust bucket. So what's Church want this time?" Lee said, stomach growling. Caesar had started cooking bacon before they'd even left and now the smell permeated the whole plane.<p>

"Hey, Ross," their newest member leaned against the wall.  
>"Yeah?"<br>"Can we talk sometime?"  
>"Sure," Barney said, adjusting the windshield. "Talk about scary," Barney muttered to Lee.<br>"I'm still standing here," Collins chuckled. "What, too quiet?"  
>"Keep talking in that accent and we're going to have a problem."<br>"What accent?" Collins raised an eyebrow, "I don't have an accent," she snorted.  
>"You're Romany, aren't you?" Barney said. "Gypsy," he added.<br>"That easy to tell?" Collins frowned.  
>"No, you just told me yourself," Barney chuckled.<p>

"Bozhe moiy," she muttered. Oldest trick in the book, make someone think you know something to trick them into telling you what you want to know. "My mother was full blood Gypsy, my father was some Moor."  
>"Was his name Othello?" Toll Road chuckled.<br>"Mohammed," she sighed. "Unique, wouldn't you say?"  
>They laughed, Doc clapped her on the shoulder and stuck his head into the cockpit. "We there yet?"<br>"Let's land this piece of junk," Lee said.

She was tanned, thick auburn hair and almond shaped eyes. She still had a decent set of breasts and hips, muscle definition fighting against her skin. Maybe it was him, but she was too built to be attractive.  
>"Hey, Toll," Collins muttered as she sat. He glanced up from his book, gave a two finger wave and went back to reading. Okay.<br>Awkward.  
>The whole thing had been awkward from Church recruiting her to meeting Barney and boarding the plane. Gunnar had been interesting to talk to, and then he'd jumped out of the plane and taken any chance at decent conversation away.<p>

"Church didn't tell you much, did he?" Barney said, guiding the plane towards the runway.  
>"Said you were running a job in one of the Stans and that I'd be paid two mil up front. I don't need to know the specifics," Collins said. "Not my business to know either," she added. "I'm just the hired muscle."<br>Barney frowned. So there was no loyalty, just a paycheck, but it was better than nothing. Doc strapped himself in next to Collins, Galgo muttering under his breath in Spanish as the plane's wheels touched down.  
>The plane shook for a moment, slowing to a crawl. Collins went to unstrap herself, then the world went sideways. Containers were thrown from their shelves, flames eating at the fuselage. The Expendables ducked, trying to avoid getting hit by the mess. Collins felt the plane continue to roll until it settled upside down on its roof. Smoke was pouring into the plane, Maya unclipped herself and dropped to the floor. She could feel Doc's legs dangling near her head, something warm dripping onto her face. Maya fumbled blindly with his belt, grunting as he fell on top of her. She half-dragged, half-crawled Doc out of the burning plane, ears ringing from the explosion. Whatever it had been, it was loud enough to garner attention if anyone was out there.<p>

Barney hauled Lee out, smoke clung to his clothes and dust in his hair. He coughed, stumbling back into the plane and feeling around for the weapons cache.  
>They'd just arrived in Hell. Temperature: rising.<br>Blood oozed from a head injury as Toll Road staggered out of the plane, hauling Caesar with him. He could barely make out Galgo shouting in rapid Spanish, Doc and Collins trying to comprehend what had happened. Collins had been shafted into becoming Doc's new partner, though maybe that was a good thing considering.

"Barney," Lee shouted. The wind whipped through their hair, carrying with it the salty smell of the ocean. This was not Ermenistan, Uzbekistan or any other Stan.  
>So where the hell were they?<br>"Jensen, Yang," Collins' voice carried across the empty airfield, elbows out to the sides as she carried Caesar's new toy. A modified machine gun that had been stripped from a tank and attached to a harness.  
>"Maya! Behind!"<br>She turned, only to face an enormous set of black jaws and bloody teeth. Maya squeezed the trigger without hesitation, the gorilla's head snapped backwards as bullets spewed from the machine gun. Flesh and bone was churned into a mix of blood and fur, the gorilla's body danced like a broken marionette before it dropped to the ground.  
>"The fuck was that?" Gunnar said, walking towards them. "You met the locals too?"<br>Collins glanced at the skull that Gunnar was carrying, the jaw was much larger than the average gorilla and even the brow was more prominant than usual.  
>"Mountain gorilla," Maya murmured.<br>"You a zoologist?" Gunnar looked at Collins.  
>"I wanted to work with big cats when I was a girl," she shrugged.<br>"Was a girl. You're a man now?" Doc chuckled, giving her a thumbs up.

Maya flipped Doc off, keeping the machine gun raised as she eyed their surroundings. Sea water, hyper-aggressive gorillas and ... She squinted at the horizon, a Nimitz-class carrier.  
>Oh fuck. It was just a story told around the campfire, a load of bullshit meant to scare new recruits. So why was her gut telling her this was Hell?<br>"Barney?" Maya looked at their leader, "You ever seen the second Jurassic Park movie?"  
>"Yeah," Barney said, "What about it?"<br>"I think we found the island," Maya gulped.  
>"So where are the dinosaurs?" Lee said, raising his assault rifle.<br>"I don't know, why don't you ask the gorillas? They seem friendly," Maya smiled, walking towards the coastline and the aircraft carrier. She kept her head up and eyes open, a chill running down her spine. One thing Maya knew to be true: if this was Grant Island, they were all going to die in the next twenty four hours.


	2. Chapter 2

**D/C: **I don't own Expendables, Matthew Reilly, or any of its productions, characters, or even minor characters. I do own any OC's that appear.

**A/N: **I'm including the three other ten-man teams that were involved as part of the body count and excluding the DARPA douchbags that ran Hell. And I know the Collins-Schofield link is fucking ridiculous, but come on, it's fanfic, and it's meant to be funny, cause can't you just imagine Shane walking up the aisle towards Elvis drunk off his head with a woman he barely knows? To the Expendables fans, yes, his name really is Jean-Claude. Before you say Maya is a female mirror of Mother, Maya's slightly more of a bitch than Mother plus roughly five years younger - though neither of them are 'free bitches'. (Kudos to you all you Motherfuckers that know what I'm talking about.) This chapter would be longer, but I'm running out of time on the computer so I'll cut it short. Chapter 3 will hopefully be over 2000 words. Apologies to those waiting on chapter 3 of this and Beauty and the Beast, but I just got a copy of The Great Zoo of China - so go fuck yourselves :D I won't be writing fanfiction until I finish the book.

**Welcome To Hell  
>Chapter 2<strong>

_Washington DC_

"Satellite footage has been showing increasing activity for the past five-plus years."  
>"English, genius," Mother groaned.<br>"Some of the gorillas survived ... and it looks like they have new play toys," Fairfax said.  
>"What do you mean survived? We drowned them, I did it myself for God's sake."<br>"Apparently not all of them drowned. A plane crashed an hour ago, shot down actually."  
>"You gotta be fucking kidding me. Which dumbasses were stupid enough to fly near it?"<br>"I ran a trace on the plane's logo, looks like a mercenary group."  
>"Of course, dumbass fucks," Gena rolled her eyes. "Please tell me you don't want us to go and save their pathetic asses."<br>"No, I'm ordering you to," a voice crackled. "Major Drummer here, Captain Schofield. Those are my men, and one of your own is onboard as well."  
>"A Marine?"<br>"Gunnery Sergeant Maya Collins,"  
>"Never heard of her," Shane lied.<br>"Well, she's heard of you, and your escapades. Collins volunteered to accompany them to Grant Island."  
>"And now you want us to rescue them."<br>"We understand each other."  
>"Go fuck yourself," Shane hung up.<br>"Nice," Mother laughed. "What's she like?"  
>"Batshit crazy, no respect for authority. Pulled a gun on SecNav and told him to go fuck himself."<br>"Sounds like my kinda woman," Mother grinned. "Why don't we? I'm feeling an overabundance of loyalty towards my fellow Marine at the moment, Scarecrow, what say we go save her ass?"  
>"We lost thirty five men last time."<br>"There's a Marine on that island, Shane, and I say we fucking help her."  
>"Alright," he sighed, glancing over his shoulder at the waking woman.<br>"Renard, what do you think?"  
>"I think if she's a Marine, we are honour bound to help her," Veronique spoke.<br>"So where are we going?" Jean-Claude walked out of the bathroom and clapped his hands, "and who am I killing?"  
>"We're going back to Hell," Scarecrow announced.<br>"Oh joy," Veronique sighed.

_Hell Island_

"You're fucking crazy if you think we're hiding on that thing," Barney looked up at the USS Nimitz.  
>"We'll have the high ground," Maya retorted. "It's a chance to see the island, and I can see if the old system is still in place. They jammed the signals once upon a time, by now, the jammer should be dead - so if we can find the original equipment these sick fucks used, we'll be fine for a while."<br>"What do you mean 'a while'?" Gunnar frowned.  
>"Use that brain of yours, big boy," Collins smiled, "This whole thing started out as a weapons program, how do you think they controlled them?"<br>"Microchips," Gunnar said, the pieces clicking into place. He was a Fulbright scholar, held a degree in chemical engineering and could make a bomb out of phosphorous. Hell, he was the only qualified genius on the team.  
>"They had to have some way of not getting killed by the apes, so there has to be some old tech here."<br>"Old being the key word, batteries are probably dead."  
>"Well, you'll never know. It won't do much good on the gorillas that were born here, but the ones that were part of the program - those we'll be able to kill easily."<p>

Roars echoed from the jungle that had overgrown the island, Lee and Barney glanced over their shoulders. Great, more friendly animals.  
>"Just don't go down to the hangars," Maya said, drawing the machete from its sheath on her back. "That's the battleground ... and if the stories are true, it's a death trap."<br>"What happened here?"  
>"Forty men arrived via HALO drop. Four squads, ten each. Marines, SEALs, 82nd Airborne and Delta. They thought it was a legit mission, turned out to be a training exercise for the fucking apes."<br>"So what happened?"  
>Maya crossed herself, reaching under her shirt and pulling out a Misbaha - the Muslim equivalent of a rosary. She kissed it and tucked it back under her clothes. "Thirty five died, only five Marines survived."<br>"Then what chance do we have?" Yang frowned.  
>"Well there's always ritual suicide if you don't fancy being eaten by the gorillas," Collins shrugged, "It's your call. Me? I'm heading for the high ground. I plan on surviving," she gave Ross the middle finger and kept walking. "See you boys back at Rusty's," she smiled to herself. <em>Good luck, assholes.<em>

Washington DC

"Have you made a decision?" Drummer's voice crackled.  
>"Where do we meet the stealth jet?" Shane asked.<br>"No one said anything about a -" Max trailed off.  
>"A regular plane would take hours, your men won't survive the night, but my woman will."<br>"He knows this woman that they're talking about?" Renard looked at Mother.  
>"Gunnery Sergeant Maya Collins ... also formerly known as Maya Schofield."<br>"Schofield?" Veronique looked at Mother.  
>"Yeah," Gena sighed, "Shane doesn't talk about her much. They were drunk, they were in Vegas and he was in a pretty bad place."<br>"They were married."  
>"For a week, before we got it annulled," Shane said to Renard and hung up, "Andrews, twenty minutes."<br>"So we're really going there."  
>"I am. It's your call if you come along, I'm not forcing you to do anything."<p>

Typical Scarecrow. Subliminally guilt trip his friends into going with him yet at the same time give them the chance to back out. Mother clapped him on the shoulder just as Renard approached him, kissing him softly on the cheek.  
>"We are going, Shane. If your friend is in trouble, we shall help. Besides, I want to meet the woman who stole your name," Veronique smirked. "What do you think, Jean?"<br>"Gorillas, an island, and a beautiful woman at my side? Ha! Why not?" he grinned, "I shall bring Kordelia with us."  
>Shane glanced at Veronique. "He named it Kordelia?"<br>Renard shrugged, "He's named his guns worse things than Kordelia, and besides - it's Baba," she smiled. "You know what he's like, silverback gorilla and all."

_Hell_ _Island_

Nice. She'd left them behind. Ross glanced around, roars echoing around them. Increased activity, darkening sky and ... Things did not look good. He glanced over his shoulder at Lee, then gestured to the sky.  
>"We need to take shelter, now."<br>"Looks like a Cat-Three, possibly Cat-Four depending if it increases in strength," Gunnar mused. Fucking terrific, all he had to do was survive a hurricane, a hoard of psychotic gorillas and survive the woman leading them. Barney hadn't been leading them since they'd crashlanded despite what the others thought. Collins knew about the island, could Barney say the same?


End file.
